FOR LIFESTYLERS BY LIFESTYLERS

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Lifestyle Socials is devoted to educating the members of our Online Community and Social Club. The following terminology, definitions and descriptions are of terms related to traditional, non-traditional, unconventional or alternative identifications, relationship orientations, sex models, relationship dynamics, love styles and lifestyles. The traditional, non-traditional, unconventional or alternative identifications, relationship orientations, sex models, relationship dynamics, love styles and lifestyles defined and described below can be practiced or lived by all individuals regardless of their age, race, cultural background, socioeconomic status, religion, or political affiliation. Our Online Community and Social Club members are STRONGLY ENCOURAGED to learn more on their own as this list of terminology, definitions and descriptions IS NOT all-inclusive.

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THE LIFESTYLE (LS)

An umbrella term for non-traditional, unconventional or alternative identifications, relationship orientations, sex models, relationship dynamics, love styles and lifestyles which are outside the scope of the cultural or societal accepted "norm" of hetero-monogamy. Lifestyle (LS) covers the following alternative communities: consensual non-monogamy; ethical polyamory; relationship anarchy; ethical slut; safe sane consensual (SSC) BDSM; risk aware consensual kink (RACK); personal responsibility informed consensual kink (PRICK); erotic play; fetish play; primal play; hedonism; naturism; nudism; exhibitionism; and voyeurism.

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INTRODUCTION TO THE LIFESTYLE (LS) GLOSSARY

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ABUNDANT LOVE: The belief or philosophy that it is possible to love more than one person at the same time.

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ADULT BUFFET: A specific type of group sex in which a group of consenting adults gets together for the purpose of sex, and each person in the group is free to have sex with any other member(s) of the group he or she chooses.

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AGAMY: A state or condition of not engaging in marriage, or more generally not engaging in marriage or reproduction. Agamy is also a term which is in a society or culture with no marital structure or rules.

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​ALL CULTURES: A person, couple, relationship anarchist or polycule that is a part of all Lifestyle subsets, cultures and communities.

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BIG BLACK COCK (BBC): Refers to a well-endowed Black man.

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BIG DICK ENERGY (BDE): Refers to a well-endowed man who possesses social confidence with cockiness.

 

• People with Big Dick Energy typically possess qualities such as leadership, kindness, positivity towards others, great sense of humor, and a "don't fuck with me" aura.

• Only few possess the gift of Big Dick Energy.

• Big Dick Energy speaks for itself.

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BEDROOM EYES: Non-verbal cues that your partner is ready to “get busy”.

 

• Traditionally, bedroom eyes refer to a heavy-lidded or half-shut eye meant to look almost dreamy.

• When executed properly, they can be used to signal an interest in becoming more intimate.

• It can also be used to describe a person who looks at someone else with lust.

 

​BENCHING: When you start talking to someone you think is nice and has potential, but you're not crazy about them. Instead of choosing between the polarized options of dating or dumping them, you put them in the 'maybe' zone while you date around to see what else is out there.

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​BODY FLUID MONOGAMY: The practice of limiting any sexual activity which involves the exchange of bodily fluids, including such activities as unprotected oral sex and sexual intercourse, to only one partner.

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BUTCH: A person who is typically female-identified whose social and relationship roles are perceived by many as being masculine, often having a lesbian, gay, or queer orientation.

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CATCH & RELEASE: The conscious or unconscious dating practice of those unwilling to commit.

 

• This generally includes three steps––motive, method, and madness.

• Motive: The dater wants to get into a relationship and/or the thrill of the chase.

• Method: Once the dater has found someone they’d like to establish a relationship with, there is some kind of communication, whether a DM or text; at which point the game is afoot.

• Madness: Now, the dater establishes the relationship up to a certain level of commitment and intensity at which point the victim is then released and the dater embarks upon a new search. Thus, the cycle continues.

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CLOSED MARRIAGE: A marriage where there is no romantic involvement, emotional intimacy or sexual activity outside of the marriage. Also referred to as monogamous marriage.

 

CLOSED RELATIONSHIP: A romantic relationship, such as a conventional monogamous relationship or a polyfidelitous relationship, where there is no romantic involvement, emotional intimacy or sexual activity outside of the relationship.

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CLOSET LIFESTYLER: An individual who intentionally withholds that he/she is a member of any non-traditional, unconventional or alternative Lifestyle subset, culture or community from their family, friends and co-workers.

 

CO-HABITATE: The state or practice of living together.

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COMET: An occasional lover who passes through one’s life semi-regularly, but without an expectation of continuity or a romantic relationship.

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COMMITMENT: A pledge, promise or vow to do something.

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COMMUNITY MEMBER: A person who believes that their non-traditional, unconventional or alternative alternative identifications, relationship orientations, sex models, relationship dynamics, love styles and/or lifestyles are more than a recreational or casual activity, but a natural way of life.

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COMPERSION: A feeling of joy when a partner invests in and takes pleasure from another romantic, emotionally intimate or sexual relationship. Compersion can be thought of as the opposite of jealous because it is a positive emotional reaction to a partner's other relationship(s). 

 

COMPULSIVE SEXUAL BEHAVIOR: An excessive preoccupation with sexual fantasies, urges or behaviors that is difficult to control, causes you distress, or negatively affects your health, job, relationships or other parts of your life.

 

• Compulsive Sexual Behavior may involve a variety of commonly enjoyable sexual experiences, including but not limited to: masturbation, cybersex, multiple sexual partners, use of pornography or paying for sex.

• When sexual behaviors become a major focus in your life, are difficult to control, and are disruptive or harmful to you or others, they may be considered compulsive sexual behavior.

• No matter the exact nature of the behavior, untreated compulsive sexual behavior can damage your self-esteem, relationships, career, health and other people.

• Also referred to as hypersexuality disorder or sexual addiction.

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CONDOM CONTRACT: A formal agreement within a relationship to confine exchange of bodily fluids and barrier-free sexual contact to the people in that relationship, each of whom has previously been screened for sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV and AIDS.

 

• Condom Contracts may specify under what conditions a member of that group may exchange body fluids or have barrier-free sexual contact with a new partner, or may specify that such contact IS NOT permissible with any new partner. Also referred to as condom compact or condom commitment.

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CONSENSUAL NON-CONSENT (CNC): A relationship dynamic between two (or more) consenting adults where one of them does unpleasant or harmful seeming things to the other, who looks as if they're not enjoying it, or not consenting.

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COUGAR: An older woman who is primarily interested in men significantly younger than her.

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COURTING: The process by which people explore how it feels to form or join in a committed relationship.

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• COURTSHIP: The period of development towards a romantic and emotionally intimate relationship wherein a couple get to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement, followed by a marriage. Traditionally, in the case of a formal engagement, it is the role of a male to actively "court" or "woo" a female, thus encouraging her to understand him and her receptiveness to a marriage proposal.

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COVENANT MARRIAGE: A marriage which includes a legally-binding clause in the marriage contract specifying that the couple cannot divorce, or cannot divorce easily.​

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​CUNNILINGUS: The act of orally stimulating the vulva or clitoris by a sexual partner. Also referred to as eating pussy.

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CURIOUS LIFESTYLER: A person who has been active in any non-traditional, unconventional or alternative Lifestyle subset, culture or community for less than one (1) year.

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CUSHIONING: A dating technique where along with your 'main' partner you also have several 'cushions', other people you chat and flirt with to soften the blow if your main breaks-up with you.

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DATING: A stage of romantic relationships whereby two people meet socially with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a prospective partner in an intimate relationship.

 

• Dating is a form of courtship, consisting of social activities done by the couple, either alone or with others.

• Dating may also involve two or more people who have already decided that they share romantic, emotionally intimate or sexual feelings toward each other who spend time and go out with one another on a regular basis.

 

DISEASE AND DRUG FREE (D/D): Commonly used on Lifestyle dating sites to indicate that a person has tested negative for STIs, HIV and AIDS; and doesn't use illegal drugs eg. cocaine, crack, heroin, meth, etc. 

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DOUBLE PENETRATION: When a woman has a penis penetrating her vagina and a penis penetrating her anus at the same time.

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DOUBLE ANAL PENETRATION (DAP): When a woman has a two penises penetrating her anus at the same time.

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DOUBLE VAGINAL PENETRATION (DVP): When a woman has two penises penetrating her vagina at the same time.

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​​​ELECTIVE AFFINITY: A social system whereby people choose their own mates or spouses, as opposed to a society which practices arranged marriage.

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​EMOTIONAL FIDELITY: An agreement to be emotionally faithful. Can be between two people or between a group of people. Emotional Fidelity can mean different things for different people and should be negotiated clearly by all parties involved.

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​EMOTIONAL INTIMACY: Involves feelings of liking or loving one or more people, and may result in romantic involvement or sexual activity.

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​EMOTIONAL LIBERTARIANISM: A belief that every individual is entirely responsible for his or her own emotional responses, and that one person’s behavior is never the 'cause' of another person’s emotion.

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​EXCLUSION JEALOUSY: Fear, which may be irrational, of being neglected or abandoned by a partner, particularly if that partner takes another partner or expresses romantic or sexual interest in another person. 

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​EXCLUSIVE RELATIONSHIP: A relationship which does not permit its partners to seek other romantic or sexual partners at will.

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​EXPLORING: A person who is on an open journey through the world of kink.

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​EVOLVING: A person who is undergoing gradual change.

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​FACE SITTING: When one person sits on another person's face. Any gender can be the face sitter, and any gender can be the face sit recipient. 

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FELLATIO: The act of orally stimulating the penis by a sexual partner. Also referred to as a blowjob.

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FIDELITY:

• Fidelity is the quality or state of being faithful.

• Fidelity is emotional or sexual faithfulness to one's partner(s).

• Fidelity can happen in monogamous, non-monogamous and polyamorous relationships.

• Fidelity should be negotiated and discussed openly between all parties involved.

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FLUID BONDING: Choosing not to use barrier protection during sexual activity with a partner, usually with an agreement about safer sex with other people (and hopefully after appropriate STI testing, including HIV and AIDS).

 

​GHOST: When you cut off all communication with a person you're talking to, dating, had a one night stand with, or was a FWB to with zero warning or notice before hand. Ghosts block phone calls, ignore text messages, deactivate or delete their social media, and avoid public encounters.

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​HAUNTING: When someone whom you thought was out of your life, begins trying to creep back in.

 

• Typically Haunting occurs when someone who "ghosted" you has returned.

• Haunting takes place after the cold break and manifests as indirectly interacting with someone via social media.

• Haunting can be in the form of liking or sharing people’s posts and photos, but there is never any direct contact.

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​HYPERGAMY: The act of marrying someone of greater social standing and/or wealth. Also referred to as "Dating Up".

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​​INTIMATE PARTNER: A partner with whom a person shares a close romantic, emotionally intimate and/or sexual connection.

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INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS: 

• Intimate Relationships are interpersonal relationships that involve romance, emotional intimacy or sexual activity.

• Intimate Relationships are those of a romantic, emotionally intimate or sexual nature, such as those shared with partners, playmates, or lovers.

• Intimate Relationships are those of a non-romantic and non-sexual nature, such as those shared with family, friends, or co-workers.

• Intimate Relationships play a central role in the overall human experience.

• Humans have a general desire to belong and to love, which is usually satisfied within intimate relationships because they allow a person to form a social network comprised of people they have strong emotional attachments to.

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JEALOUSY: An emotion referring to the thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and envy over relative lack of possessions, status or something of great personal value.

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​JUNGLE FEVER: When a non-Black, Indigenous or Person of Color (BIPOC) person is solely or primarily physically and/or sexually attracted to BlPOC people.

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​LIFESTYLER: An individual who is a member of any non-traditional, unconventional or alternative Lifestyle subset, culture or community.

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• CURIOUS LIFESTYLER: A person who has been active in any non-traditional, unconventional or alternative Lifestyle subset, culture or community for less than one (1) year.

• LIFESTYLE NEWBIE: A person who has been active in any non-traditional, unconventional or alternative Lifestyle subset, culture or community for one (1) to two (2) years.

• LIFESTYLE ENTHUSIAST: A person who has been active in any non-traditional, unconventional or alternative Lifestyle subset, culture or community for two (2) to five (5) years.

• LIFESTYLE CONNOISEUR: A person who has been active in any non-traditional, unconventional or alternative Lifestyle subset, culture or community for five (5) to ten (10) years.

• ​LIFESTYLE INSIDER: A person who has been active in any non-traditional, unconventional or alternative Lifestyle subset, culture or community for ten (10) to fifteen (15) years.

• ​LIFESTYLE LEGEND: A person who has been active in any non-traditional, unconventional or alternative Lifestyle subset, culture or community for fifteen (15) to twenty (20) years.

• ​LIFESTYLE VETERAN (VET): A person who has been active in any non-traditional, unconventional or alternative Lifestyle subset, culture or community for more than twenty (20) years.

 

LOVE LANGUAGE: Verbal and non-verbal communications between couples which improve the mental and physical well-being of both partners. These mutual expressions and actions help to build up a nurturing environment in which couples can improve both their emotional and physical intimacy levels.

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• RECEIVING GIFTS: Don’t mistake this love language for materialism. The receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If this is your love language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are seen, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. Gifts are heartfelt symbols to you of someone else's love and affection for you.​

• QUALITY TIME: Nothing says "I Love You" like full, undivided attention. If this is your love language, someone being there -- really being present in the moment with you, makes you feel truly special and loved. Whether it is spending uninterrupted time talking with your significant other or doing activities together, you deepen your connections with others through sharing time.​

• WORDS OF AFFIRMATION: Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I Love You,” is important, but hearing the reasons behind that love lifts you up. You thrive on hearing kind and encouraging words.​

• ACTS OF SERVICE: Anything your significant other does to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on you will speak volumes about their love for you. If this is your love language, you feel valued and loved when someone serves you out of love (and not obligation). Someone cooking a meal, washing dishes, vacuuming floors, or running errands for you, are all ways that you like to receive love. Appropriate and considerate acts of service communicate care, concern, and love to you.​

• PHYSICAL TOUCH: Physical presence and accessibility are the vibe. If this is your love language, affection means the world to you. Hugs, pats on the back, kisses, etc., are all ways that you like to receive love. Appropriate and timely physical touch communicates warmth, safety, and love to you.

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LOVE STYLE: Refers to a person's approach to love relationships. The three primary love styles are Eros, Ludus and Storge. The three secondary love styles are Mania, Agape and Pragma.

 

• EROS: A primary love style based on romance. This love style is the one most commonly portrayed in Hollywood movies. Also known as love at first sight, it is based on chemistry and a strong physical and/or emotional attraction.​

• LUDUS: A primary love style based on conquest. This style is used by those who see love as a game and want to win as many partners as possible. The focus is on having fun in the moment and therefore relationships of this sort tend to be very short.​

• STORGE: A primary love style based on friendship. This style of love grows slowly out of friendship and is based more on similar interests and a commitment to one another rather than on passion.​

• MANIA: A secondary love style based on obsession. This style usually flows out of low self esteem and a need to be loved by one's partner. Lovers of this sort usually become very possessive and jealous. Mania a mixture of eros and ludus.​

• AGAPE: A secondary love style based on selflessness. In this style of love, the individual is willing to sacrifice anything for their partner. It is based on an unbreakable commitment and an unconditional, selfless love. Agape is a mixture of eros and storge.​

• PRAGMA: A secondary love style based on practicality. This love style is very sensible and realistic. People who prefer this style approach their relationship in a business-like fashion and look for partners with whom they can share common goals. Pragma is a mixture of ludus and storge.

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MONO-POLY SWITCH: A person capable of being happy in either a monogamous or non-monogamous relationship.

 

MONOGAMISH RELATIONSHIP: An arrangement within a nominally monogamous dyadic relationship, in which the two partners agree that one or both may engage in some level of outside sexual activity.

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MONOGAMY: A relationship orientation where two people have agreed to be only romantically, emotionally and/or sexually involved with exclusively with one another.

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• Monogamy is the practice of marrying only once during a lifetime.

• Monogamy is the state or custom of being married to one person at a time.

• Monogamy is the condition or practice of having a single mate during a period of time.

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• CLASSICAL MONOGAMY: A single relationship between people who marry as virgins, remain sexually exclusive their entire lives, and become celibate upon the death of their partner.​

• SERIAL MONOGAMY: A form of monogamy characterized by several successive, short-term relationships or marriages over the course of a lifetime.

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​NEW RELATIONSHIP ENERGY (NRE): Refers to the rush of hormones many people experience at the start of a new relationship.

 

• When humans first connect sexually, emotionally or romantically with a new partner, they can experience an increase in dopamine, oxytocin, adrenaline, and other fun neurotransmitters that have an effect that is sometimes described as a high.

• This is that passionate, butterflies in the stomach, can't stop thinking about you to the point of obsession phase of the relationship.

• Not everyone experiences and not every relationship has this phase, but many do.

• This feeling can last anywhere from 6 months to 3 years, may inhibit impulse control and cause people to say and do things they later regret, so be aware.​

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• NRE JUNKIE: A term sometimes applied, often dismissively, to a person who starts many new relationships in rapid succession but does not seem to maintain relationships for very long. Such a person may appear to seek out the euphoria and intense emotion associated with new relationship energy (NRE) over the maintenance of a long-term relationship.

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NOT MY KINK (NMK): Refers to any sexual activity that you prefer not to participate in.

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NUCLEAR FAMILY: A family consisting of one man and one woman, married to one another, and their children.

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OLD RELATIONSHIP ENEGY (ORE): The feeling of comfort, security, and stability often associated with a long-standing romantic relationship.

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PHOTO AND PHONE NUMBER (P/P): Commonly used on Lifestyle dating sites to request that a person send a photo and phone number if they desire to continue the conversation offline.

 

PARAMOUR: Another word for partner, significant other or lover.

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PARTNER: A person with whom one is romantically, emotionally and/or sexually involved with. The term partner is intended to be free of assumptions about the gender, sex, gender identity or sexual orientation of one's significant other.

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PEARL CLUTCHER: An uptight person with conservative views, who reacts with shock at other people's violations of decorum, propriety, morality, and so forth. They’re prone to kink and slut shaming. They clutch their pearls whenever someone discusses or engages in any non-traditional, unconventional or alternative Lifestyle subset, culture or community that they perceive as "nasty".

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PERSONAL BONDING: The process of development of a close, interpersonal relationship between two or more people. It most commonly takes place whenever people spend time together.

 

• Any two people who spend time together may form a personal bond.

• Bonding typically refers to the process of attachment that develops between romantic or platonic partners, close friends, or family members.

• Personal bonds are characterized by emotions such as affection and trust.

• Bonding is a mutual, interactive process, and is different from simple liking. It is the process of nurturing social connection.

 

​PHYSICAL INTIMACY: Includes both sensuous and sexual activity usually between two (or more) persons and the sharing of reactions, thoughts, and emotions that are involved in these activities.

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• FIRST BASE: Holding hands and/or kissing.

• SECOND BASE: Kissing and/or light petting.

• THIRD BASE: Heavy petting and/or oral sex.

• HOMERUN: Sexual intercourse and/or anal sex.

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​PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP: A close, emotionally intimate relationship in which there is no romance or sexual activity.

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​PLAY: Refers to sexual activity.

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QUEEN OF SPADES (QOS): A non-Black woman who only has sex with Black men.

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RELATIONSHIP DYNAMIC: Refers to a predictable pattern of interaction or communication between people in a romantic, emotionally intimate or sexual relationship.

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• POWER: All relationships involve issues of power and control. Typically, people like to influence their partner’s behavior while at the same time they DO NOT like being unduly controlled or influenced by a partner. In other words, people would like to be able to control what a partner does, but they DO NOT want to be controlled or told what to do.

• AFFECT: All relationships involve issues of liking and disliking. When communicating with another person, we constantly signal how we feel about the person we are talking to. We convey this type of information through our nonverbal behavior -- our posture, facial expressions, touch, eye contact, use of space, and so on. In short, we constantly signal warmth, acceptance, coldness, indifference, hostility, etc.

• RESPECT: All relationships involve issues of respect. People either demonstrate respect or disrespect for another person, their ideas, values, beliefs and differences.

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RELATIONSHIP ORIENTATION: The design or structure of a romantic, emotionally intimate or sexual relationship. Like the term Lifestyle, it implies a conscious and consensual choice.

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• RELATIONSHIP ORIENTATIONS include monogamous, monogamish, non-monogamous, polyamorous and relationship anarchist.

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RELATIONSHIP RULES: The rules and norms on which a relationship will operate. These rules often pertain to the amount of freedom or restriction a partner will experience while in the relationship.

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• RELATIONSHIP RULES commonly exist in agamy, monogamish relationships, open relationships, relationship anarchy, etc.

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RELATIONSHIP STRUCTURE: The arrangement of a relationship. Which partner is the most dominant? Which partner is more submissive? Is the relationship set, or do other partners enter and exit? The relationship structure can change over time.

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• RELATIONSHIP STUCTURES include casual dating, dyads, open relationships, marriage, open marriages, swinging, Vees, Quads, Dom/sub, Master/slave (service or sex), etc.​